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Yesterday,
I bled into my panties and there was no toilet paper left in the club I hung
out until 4 in the morning and when I woke up today I tried to wash the blood
out, so I put the panties into the sink added steaming hot water and listened
to daughter and their beautiful song youth on my iPhone when it fell into this
very sink full of steaming hot water and bloody underwear and I was late for
work.
No, not
just late. Half a day is not late anymore. I had a headache and I realized just
how thin I got when I looked into the two mirrors in the bathroom of my
friend’s apartment. She is on holiday and I collect her mail and I sleep in her
bed and on her sofa and I wear her clothes because I’m too lazy to wash my own.
Thank god she does not have plants.
These are
good days, full of me and myself and I, thinner than usual, but still me and as long as I don’t forget how to laugh about myself it’s all good. Even the
iPhone didn’t give up on me. No, it is still working, still playing music with
those far too small speakers that make every song sound tinny. And the tinny
voice sings “We are the reckless, we are the wild youth, chasing visions of our
future. One day we will reveal the truth. That one will die before he gets
there.”
I’m sorry I
left you.
But not so
sorry I would be if I had missed how my iPhone fell into the sink full of
steaming hot water and bloody underwear. I heard myself laughing, again.
(October 2013)
